Damek.

Some things to think about, much of it resonates with me, especially how “feeling alone can be a healthy emotion and, indeed, choosing to be alone for a period of solitude can be enriching. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level.”

Common symptoms

• Believing that ‘everyone else’ has friends
• Feeling socially inadequate and socially unskilled
• Feeling reluctant to attempt to change, or try new things
• Feeling ‘empty’, depressed…
• Feeling anxious and/or desperate

Ironically, loneliness frequently occurs in heavily populated cities; in these cities many people feel utterly alone and cut off, even when surrounded by throngs of other people. They experience a loss of identifiable community in an anonymous crowd. …the sheer number of random people that one comes into contact with daily in a city, even if only briefly, may raise barriers to actually interacting more deeply with them and increase the feeling of being cut off and alone. Quantity of contact does not translate into quality of contact.

Yes. So hard to meet people in the city, and really connect. So important to cherish it when you do.

A 2006 study in the American Sociological Review found that Americans on average had only two close friends to confide to, down from an average of three in 1985. The percentage of people who noted having no such confidant rose from 10 percent to almost 25 percent; and 19 additional percent said they had only a single confidant (often their spouse)…

Tell me about it! I wish I had some close friends. I miss the few I’ve had.

[some] existentialist thinkers argue [that] Human beings might be said to actively “engage” each other and the universe as they communicate and create, and loneliness is merely the feeling of being cut off from this process.

American Buddhist monk Ajahn Sumedho taught: “We suffer a lot in our society from loneliness. So much of our life is an attempt to not be lonely: ‘Let’s talk to each other; let’s do things together so we won’t be lonely.’ And yet inevitably, we are really alone in these human forms. We can pretend; we can entertain each other; but that’s about the best we can do. When it comes to the actual experience of life, we’re very much alone; and to expect anyone else to take away our loneliness is asking too much.“

I definitely relate to both of these sentiments. The humanist in me likes the first, but I understand the monk’s view. I think both are valid. I can only rely on myself to keep me connected to communication and creation. If I desire friends, it’s up to me to reach out and be a friend to others.

It’s hard, though, as I’ve said, I seem to lack “friend instincts.” I’m told I’m liked by others, but I never seem to notice it. Plus, I seem to expect more of people, and I find it difficult to appreciate casual friendships, or even be aware of their possibility. I guess, in a way, it’s as if I just don’t care about other people unless they’re very much like me and give me a lot of friendship in return. That’s pretty pathetic, I have to say. I don’t mean it that way, and I want to work on recognizing, valuing and keeping up friendships that aren’t necessarily “best friends” or “intimate.”

People who are socially isolated also report poor sleep quality and thus have diminished restorative processes. Loneliness is also linked with depression… Loneliness can play a part in alcoholism. …[and] often has a negative impact on learning and memory.

As with changing any patterns of behavior, it may take effort and commitment to begin to move out of feeling lonely.

It should be remembered that feeling lonely is a common human emotion experienced by everyone at times (and therefore is not a defect). Intimate friendships take time to develop, and sometimes it is useful to help deal with the loneliness by sharing your experiences with someone else.

…it is widely believed that purely remote relationships are no substitute for in-person relationships… …the remote situation makes it easier to ignore the demands friends place upon each other, and because it is harder to share emotions in such a way.

Yes. It’s nice to be able to keep in touch with people, but the longer you go without seeing them, even if you’re chatting all the time, the more you miss them and feel a little isolated. Again, though, to expect anyone else to be taking care of our loneliness is asking too much. So what if I can’t see a good friend for a while? Best not wallow in self-pity, but get active, do something, hope you’ll see them soon enough, and otherwise realize that life goes on, and if there’s some reason this friendship is drifting apart, there will be new friends eventually.

Some studies and surveys, as well as anecdotal evidence provided by volunteer and community organizations, indicate that the presence of animal companions — dogs, cats, and even rabbits or guinea pigs — can ease feelings of depression and loneliness…

My kingdom for a horse! Ha. Also, my kingdom for no allergies…