Damek.

OK, granted, I’m not a big social person. I don’t have a huge group of friends to go out with, so if I want to go out dancing, it’s just going to be me and Alex, or just me. I don’t do well with superficiality; I don’t like going to clubs just for the sake of it. If I’m going to bother going out, I want to enjoy myself beyond the simple fact of going out. I want to enjoy the music and the atmosphere, too.

But NYC dance clubs suck, and I’m here to tell you why. It’s the cabaret laws, which require bars and restaurants to get licenses to allow dancing by more than three people at a time. There have been some efforts to get rid of them, but there doesn’t seem to be much recent news about it (at least that I can Google up on short notice).

Anyway, the result of these laws is that it’s not cost-effective for places to facilitate dancing in any way. In fact, many bars or clubs even have signs reminding you that you’re not allowed to dance. Seriously, they could get fined!

Therefore, dance clubs in NYC must be expensive in order to survive, and to justify being expensive, they must create an atmosphere of exclusivity, trendiness or hipsterness, and cater to people who want to feel rich and important when they go out. Hence, shitty club culture. I’m not saying these sad, pathetic, velvet-rope losers aren’t having fun when they go out, I’m just saying there aren’t many options for people like me who want different music, a different atmosphere, and to just, oh, I don’t know, dance, without the unsightly bling-bling club culture baggage.

Now, I’m willing to admit that I’m also in a minority group when it comes to the type of music I like. I’m just arguing that the cabaret laws create a barrier to entry for the dance scene that stifles variety and experimentation. I’m not expecting anyone to start dancing to Autechre (although it’s not like it’s impossible), I’d just like to find a club doing something different and more laid-back.

There are some bright, warm spots I’ve found in the cold, dark sea of NYC club trendiness:

• Contempt, an unpretentious-looking (I haven’t been to one yet) monthly party, sort of “goth”-themed, where they actually play music I’d love to hear in a club, like The Cure, Siouxsie & The Banshees, The Clash, Iggy Pop — hell, Prince! Sounds like a lot of fun and I’m sad I can’t make the Aug. 19th event my first.
• The Pyramid Club, which has awesome ’80s New Wave-themed Thursdays, but is way too small! And their ’80s selection sticks to “safe” popular favorites. But it’s still fun.
• Culture Club, going leagues beyond The Pyramid, if an all-out ’80s-themed club, catering to junkies who just can’t get enough of VH1’s “We Love The ’80s” show. Seems almost too cheezy to me, and the apparent success of the weekly “Birdy’s Bachelorette Party” spells d-a-n-g-e-r. I mean, that thing just screams “All That Is Wrong With New York City” to me. Ladies, (and I shudder as I say that word), get over yourselves. Anyhoo, moving on…
• The Albion Club, with it’s gothic-themed Saturday events is another one I’d like to try.
• Otto’s Shrunken Head Tiki Lounge has Black Cat Tuesdays, another goth-ish themed night, with video entertainment and … well, I can’t tell if they allow dancing.
• Korova Milk Bar, which has Electric Dreams on Mondays with synthpop, electro & industrial, and in a refreshing change of pace, Modern Life is Rubbish on Tuesdays with britpop & shoegaze. And failing special themes, they apparently have a killer jukebox. But again, not really a dance-legal place, though if I lived any closer I think I’d hang out there all the time.

But as you can see, these are all goth/’80s themed clubs/events, and though I’m not averse to the music and kinda like it, it doesn’t have to be like this. I’m going to try them out and enjoy the refreshing change from the typical frat bar jock rock and mainstream dance club cheeze. But there’s gotta be room for so much more!

Once upon a time there was a club on West 14th Street called Filter 14 that Alex and I went to a couple times. They were unpretentious, not cheezy, and played music just slightly off the mainstream, but not all-out “alternative.” They went out of business.

So, while there are options out there, and I’m going to check them out, there should be more, and I believe New York’s prohibition-era cabaret laws are stifling the free expression of New York’s citizens. Not to mention the economy as people elect instead to stay in who would go out if there were more variety and cheaper clubs.